The recent pictures from Mars suggest that there is nothing on the Red Planet but unbearable temperatures, choking dust storms, and absolute desolation. At least, that’s what we have been led to believe.
Actually, we’ve been wrong all along, and it’s time somebody set the record straight. I’ve taken it upon myself to do just that.
Mars is known in mythology as the God of War. Which makes it especially relevant to us, what with our current “war on terrorism.”
That aside, the “war” planet has attracted fighting men of all kinds and in all ages. Such a man was Captain John Carter, a tall, handsome Virginian, and soldier of fortune who had fought in the Civil War. Carter had given strange instructions to his favorite nephew: upon his death, his body was to be interred in an air-conditioned vault, with a lock that could be opened only from the inside!
Upon reading the Captain’s papers, his nephew discovered the reason for this odd request: Captain Carter expected his spirit to return from Mars and re-occupy his physical body!
The nephew, a not too religious young man, was highly skeptical of his uncle’s imagination, let alone his sanity. But upon reading the Captain’s writings, he found himself mesmerized by the credibility of his uncle’s fabulous adventures on Mars, a planet 35 million miles from Earth, and shrouded in as much mystery as any celestial body could be.
But Captain Carter’s story was true! His nephew knew it, just as surely as he knew his own name. And in spite of the unbelievable aspects of his uncle’s Martian life, the Captain’s forthrightness and uncompromising honesty had long ago proven itself to be beyond question.
What were some of the facts about Mars that Captain Carter had written in his manuscripts? Of course they are too numerous to include them all, but here are some of them.
Captain Carter found that on Barsoom (which the Martians called their planet), having one-sixth the gravity of Earth, he could leap high in the air with every step. This saved him many times in his battles with Tars Tarkas and the other 16-foot-tall Tharks, the Green Men of Mars. This height advantage, Carter found, also came in handy when fighting rival tribes of Tharks, called Warhoons.
The Red Men of Mars had their own communities. In one of them, called Helium, Captain Carter eventually met Deja Thoris, a beautiful princess of Mars, and they became devoted lovers.
Captain Carter’s adventures on Mars took him to lands where men played chess on a checkered field, using themselves as the fighting pieces rather than tokens on a chessboard; where elder Martians voluntarily got into boats and went up a mysterious river to die, having no idea that something worse than death was waiting for them; where the Great White Apes of Mars were at constant war with the Green Men; where the Martian life expectancy is about 300 years and would be one-thousand if not for the various means of violent death; where women do not give birth to children, they hatch eggs and the babies crack the shells and pop out; where hand-weapons have effective ranges that are unthinkable on Earth; where Captain Carter’s “dog”, Woola, a vicious, hideous-looking creature would give his life for his master; where, contrary to what we see from Earth, Mars has lush landscapes and indescribably beautiful flora and fauna, and in more “civilized” Barsoomian cities there are buildings many times more impressive and functional than anything known on Earth.
But perhaps the most amazing thing of all about Mars is that there is life without any atmosphere. With no air to breathe, Mars would indeed be a dead planet. This problem had been solved, however, by the “atmosphere factory”, a large building containing machinery that produces artificial atmosphere to sustain life on Mars.
Because of its overriding importance, the factory could only be entered through several massive doors which could be opened only by using nine telepathic thought-waves. But some accident had shut down the machinery and the Red Planet was dying.
Having been entrusted with the thought-waves, because of his devotion to Mars, Captain Carter attempted to open the doors before all the air on the planet ran out.
Just as he managed to open the last door with the ninth thought-wave and began to re-start the pumps—the only thing that would save the dying planet—Captain John Carter took one last breath, lost consciousness, and slipped to the floor. Will Captain Carter wake up back on Earth? Certainly. What other reason would he have for insisting on being buried in an air-conditioned vault that can only be opened from the inside?
You ask me if this story is true?
Of course it’s true. If Edgar Rice Burroughs says it’s true, it’s true.
Which then brings up a troubling question.
If we know what’s on Mars, and what life up there is like, why are we even thinking about spending more billions of dollars and risking more lives on a dangerous and senseless mission to the Red Planet when we’re already over our head in financial debt and manpower losses in the war with Iraq?
And please don’t give me that bull, “for the glory of exploration”. We’ve got enough on this planet to keep us busy for several lifetimes.
“Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact.”