FROM THE WIRES OF UNITED PRESS INTERNATIONAL
FOR IMMEDIATE DISTRIBUTION
Hollywood – September 1, 2003
In a stunning development, Michael Eisner, Disney CEO has announced that his company will distribute Mel Gibson’s, ‘The Passion’. Most unusually, Eisner himself made the announcement.
After Fox declined to distribute the film, Eisner began private negotiations with Gibson for the rights. Eisner had been given a private screening of the film with Gibson and stated that he was moved to tears by the suffering of Jesus during his last hours. “I have always admired Mel’s work and am honored to be associated with this, his greatest film. The message is in complete accordance with the spirit of Walt Disney.” Eisner, a Jew, emphasized that he would have had nothing to do with the film if it were even remotely anti-semitic. “Any viewing puts the lie to that contention”, he said. “I have been a lapsed Jew but after viewing what Christ did, I am returning to the faith of my fathers. Jesus was a reformer who wanted his people to live their lives in accordance with the principles of Moses and the prophets that many of his contemporaries had forgotten. I’m going to try to do the same.”
In further stunning developments, a coalition of Hollywood’s brightest luminaries has announced that they have collected over $100 million dollars to help defray the costs of the distribution. Liberal activists James Garner, Barbra Streisand, Dustin Hoffman and Steven Speilberg have contributed undisclosed amounts to the fund. Susan Sarandon, with her husband, Tim Robbins by her side, announced the founding of the committee that is spearheading the fundraising drive. The personnel who are supporting effort reads like a Who’s Who of Hollywood.
The Oscar winning Ms. Sarandon has often been affiliated with freedom for the arts activities. At the hastily arranged press conference, she said, “We would be hypocrites if we did not unite behind Mel Gibson in this endeavor. Mel’s movie is free artistic expression at its utmost. It can not be permitted to die on the vine’. At the conference, Cher, another oscar winner, came forward and brandished a check for $10 million that she was contributing. “If Susan had not formed this committee, I would have’, she stated. . .
Barbra Streisand, yet another oscar winner, could not be reached for comment but was rumored to have also donated $10 million to the effort. Steven Spielberg’s contribution is a closely guarded secret but an unnamed source said that it matched Gibson’s cost of making the film which was around $25 million. Spielberg, also Jewish, was so impressed by the film that he said the public must be permitted to see and appreciate ‘this transcendent work of art’.
As the conference continued, additional names were bandied about as contributing, all from Hollywood’s liberal glitterati. Harry Belafonte, Mary Tyler Moore, Ed Asner, Tom Cruise, Ted Danson, David Geffen, Whoopi Goldberg, Mary Steenburgen and Arsenio Hall are all listed as contributors. “As liberals and artists, we can not condone censorship in any form”, Asner, a former president of the Screen Actors’ Guild said. Asner angrily denounced efforts by The Anti-Defamation League and other liberal organizations to prevent the distribution of the movie and label it anti-semitic.
Since the controversy over Gibson’s movie erupted, observers wondered what liberal Hollywood would do. The reluctance of established activists to step forward and back Gibson’s efforts was taken by many on the right as an example of Hollywood’s selective application of tolerance. This latest effort by Sarandon, et al, is expected to put to rest any accusations of hypocrisy and any contentions that Hollywood is only concerned about leftist causes, especially in censorship cases.
It would be wonderful if all of this were true but it’s all a hoax. I hope readers enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. But isn’t it the truth? Hollywood is exposing itself for the huge bunch of hypocrites they are. Mel Gibson is lucky to be enough of a star that he will likely survive this. Will a lesser star survive? Let’s see what happens to James Caviezel who plays Jesus. He’s been regarded as one of the best young actors around.
My bet is that this movie will be such a huge box office success that materialistic Hollywood will line up to do another project like it. Like all great leftist institutions, Hollywood worships its sole God – money.
“Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact.”