My last piece “If You Love Freedom…Don’t Get Married and Have Kids” elicited quite a few replies from readers. Almost all of them interpreted it as an anti-divorce rant, instead of as marriage as a non-solution to the loss of freedom in this nation.
This piece is a spin-off of that one, but in a multigenerational direction. While my last piece spoke to the slavery imposed upon parents by the State’s no-fault divorce, this one speaks to the slavery imposed upon grandparents by their children who never grew up.
Peter Pan syndrome: prevalent, pervasive, and pathetic.
Glenn Sacks and Dianna Thompson speak to the Peter Pan syndrome in a recent piece. It refers to men who refuse to grow up, but this piece refers to adults, both men and women, who refuse to grow up–even after they have children–and then dump their children on grandma and/or grandpa.
While extended families are nothing new, unless you are currently involved in one of these situations you may be unaware of the magnitude of this problem in America today.
Over 2.4 million U.S. grandparents raising grandchildren.
Genaro C. Armas writes, “Hunched on the living room floor in front of a Lego set, 5-year-old Michael Simmons turned and waved at his grandmother. “Look, Grandma,” he said, holding a newly built toy in hand. Pat Owens smiled and nodded approvingly. With Michael’s parents out of his life, the 59-year-old Owens has joined the more than 2.4 million grandparents found by the 2000 census to be primary caregivers to a grandchild. It was the first time the once-a-decade count tracked such living arrangements. The closest the census had come in the past to addressing this issue was to estimate that 6.3 percent of children under 18 lived in a grandparent-headed home in 2000. That compared with 5.5 percent in 1990 and 3.2 percent in 1970.”
These numbers piqued my interest so I started digging. Here’s what I found on the AARP website:
“Our image of a family is usually that of a father, a mother, and a child or children. But in today’s world, that picture doesn’t always reflect reality. Often little Johnny and Jane go home after school to grandparent-headed household. And many of these homes have no parent living there – the grandparent is the primary caregiver.”
“- There are 4.5 million children under 18 growing up in grandparent-headed households; approximately one-third of these children have no parent present in the home;
– 6.3% of all children in the United States under age 18 are growing up in grandparent-headed households;
– The numbers of children in grandparent-headed households have increased 30% since 1990;
– The number of US children under 18 increased by 14.3% from 1990 to 2000; the number of US children in grandparent-headed households increased by 30%;
– The majority of grandparents raising grandchildren are between ages 55 and 64; approximately 20% to 25% are over 65;
– While grandparent-headed families cross all socio-economic levels, these grandparents are more likely to live in poverty than other grandparents;
– There are eight times more children in grandparent-headed homes than in the foster care system.” [Emphasis added.]
Some might say that having these children in grandparent-headed homes is a good thing because it keeps them in the family and it is less expensive to society than having them in the foster care system, but that conveniently overlooks the real problem. This is far from a good thing. The above data reveal that many “parents” are failing miserably and that the trend is in the wrong direction.
“Why are these children living with their grandparents?
– The grandparents are responding to a problem in the middle (parent) generation, such as death of the parent, illness, divorce, immaturity, incarceration of the parent, parental substance abuse, child abuse, or neglect;
– The grandparents are motivated by the love they feel for their grandchildren and step in to fill a gap created by the problem.”
Note that of all the listed reasons for these children living with their grandparents, only two (death and illness) reasonably fall outside the ability of the parents to preclude the problem. The other six reasons are largely, if not entirely, traits of parents who never grew up, who refused to grow up, or who elected to engage in violent, abusive, or criminal behavior.
These grandparents are stepping “in to fill a gap created by the problem”, but the problems are not the listed reasons, the problems are their own children, the parents who never grew up and who felt free to dump their children on them.
Many of these grandparents are semi-retired or already retired and living on fixed incomes. They should be looking forward to spending their golden years as grandparents, not as surprise parents wondering how they are going to be able to afford to raise children again. For some of them retirement will be impossible due to the costs involved. Who can they turn to? Why, the feds of course!
Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) became effective July 1, 1997, and replaced what was then commonly known as welfare. Get out your checkbook!
The wealthiest generation ever, the Baby Boomers, is preparing to retire en masse. If these trends continue, many of them will find their retirements in jeopardy, their life savings plundered, and they could be forced back into the job market to raise their grandchildren, if they aren’t already there.
Weren’t the ‘60s groovy?
The drugs, the sex, free love and all that were great, but what goes around comes around. Permissiveness breeds irresponsibility. My guess is that Peter Pan’s parents are about to discover that paybacks are hell. Tinker Bell is nowhere in sight and pixie dust is very hard to come by.