Political litter box: The usual occupants

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Written By Norman Liebmann

A schoolboy riddle asks, “Why don’t fish have feet?” The answer is – “Because they don’t want to step in anything.” It also explains why extraterrestrials don’t have feet – because they don’t want to land in Washington.

The Clinton campaign is like a pachinko machine. Bill supplies the balls and Hillary supplies the clatter.

John McCain is not a maverick, he’s a mutineer.

Toni Morrison who labeled Bill Clinton “The first Black President” is endorsing Barack Obama, which raises the question: How black is black?

America can thank Al Gore for those constipated light bulbs that have to squat and strain before they can excrete any light.

It is fitting that John McCain should be the Senator from Arizona which is less of a state than it is a retirement village.

The trouble with giving an illegal Mexican a driver’s license is that you can’t tell whether the image in the upper left hand corner is his picture or his thumbprint.

Hillary Clinton should decide whether she’s going to be a bitch or a victim. It’s apparent she’s not up to handling both.

Barack Obama has given the blacks a glorious opportunity to end their suicide pact with the Clintons, and white Americans will be wise to emulate their black brethren.

A recent poll reveals John McCain’s support is split between the geriatric community and the out-and-out senile community.

If Mitt Romney becomes President he will be nothing like George W. Bush, but the Democrats are already planning to treat him as though he is.

Der Fuhrer turned down the idea of building an Adolph Hitler Library for fear it would be built in Arkansas.

How long would John McCain advocate an open borders policy after some illegal alien raped his 94 year old mother?

Anything that is politically incorrect is worth a try.

Bill Clinton says Barack Obama is like Jesse Jackson – or did he mean like Stepinfetchit? Has Obama finally gotten the idea that he’s up against a two person lynch mob?

Hillary’s campaign has picked up momentum, which is easy to do when it’s already going downhill.

Governor Mike Huckabee should refuse criminals early release from prison, but in a humanitarian gesture, give everybody early release from Arkansas.

In lieu of a more reasonable explanation, let’s say the media regards the Clintons as an unsolvable crime wave and let it go at that.

Politics is something politicians do all the time in order to be able to continue doing it all the time.

The Clinton Library should have a display case housing the Clintons’ first pair of His and Hers brass knuckles.

Speaking of humanitarian gestures, Hillary plans to provide the homeless with softer curbs on which to lay their heads.

Clinton being made welcome in Harlem makes as much sense as celebrating Mussolini’s Birthday in Ethiopia.

An honest Democrat politician is as rare as a Big Mac in Darfur.

The Clinton political hit squad should be nicknamed Rambo and Bimbo.

Feminism is nothing if not resentment.

Al Sharpton suffers from delusions of being taken seriously.

The new even more spacious Hummer front seat will be available in four sizes – “Wide”, “Extra Wide”, “Wide as All Get Out”, and “Hillary Clinton”.

If you see Bill Clinton near a school call Security.

Had their two nations been contiguous, the impoverished people of Bangladesh would already have built a forty foot electrified fence surrounded by a moat between their country and Mexico.

John McCain can’t be expected to ever forget that he was in the Hanoi Hilton, but he sure as hell won’t let the voters forget it. Captivity is not a qualification for public office.

Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee thinks he can assume a moral position without ever mentioning the Clintons – or for that matter without mentioning Arkansas.

If they establish a George W. Bush Chair In Government at Yale it will probably have training wheels on it.

The United States Senate is a manifestation of what governance would look like if Nero had been a committee.

Fred Thompson doesn’t have the fire in his belly. Bill Clinton does but it has always been situated somewhat lower.

The race is shaping up as Hillary Rodham Kremlin versus John Sidney McKremlin. (Honest to gosh – Sidney!)

If elected, McCain will give Americans what it feels like to be locked in a dungeon for four years under a nasty old Commandant with a terrible temper.

Before he leaves office, Bush may learn to distinguish that not-so-fine-line between an obsession with compassion and compassion that has become his obsession. Like somebody cares. 

If Mike Huckabee becomes President it will be because of a bigger than expected turn out by the cows in Arkansas. 

McCain accused Romney of wanting to get out of Iraq. Nobody accused McCain of wanting to get out of the Hanoi Hilton. (Because his father was an American Admiral, the Vietnamese had offered him the chance.) 

Arab women don’t need to wear burkhas. Most of them need to wear welder’s masks. The Saudis Arabs are beginning to treat their women like human beings. Up to now there has been some doubt. Let’s just assume Islam is a disease and deal with it accordingly. 

Peggy Noonan says Bush destroyed the Republican Party. Is this a flash?

Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the Presidential race in the interest of aggravated disinterest.

Vermont, the gender indefinite state, will advise visitors not to look for gender specific restrooms, and just use toilets of opportunity.

In the last Presidential election, McCain was considered elderly. Now he’s considered olderly.

CNN is no longer mainstream journalism. It’s more like what you might call landfill journalism.

There’s a new narcotic getting into the country from India. The pushers in San Francisco call it “Karma’s little helper”.

To no one’s surprise, the Clintons have a mail slot in their front door marked Subpoenas Only.

Hey Bro, let’s get to work on a thermonuclear taser.

When John Paul Jones said “I have not yet begun to fight”, it reminds us pretty much of the way John Kerry handled his military obligations in Viet Nam.

The Clinton’s other grotesque “living Legacy” is Al Gore, The Hoaxmaster General, – obese, obtuse, and should not be running around loose. (Gore’s book An Inconvenient Truth is less inconvenient than it is incoherent.)

One of the major disappointments of the past decade is the Condoleezza Rice.

Jesse Jackson used to hate the white man for his oppression. Now he hates him even worse for his indifference.

Hillary and McCain share a common extremism. How come they’re not on the same ticket?

Tennessee Williams said, “There is a time to depart, even when there is no place to go”. For the Clintons this is such a time. They should quit talking about the future and go there.

And this …

Do you ever get an awful feeling this is all really happening?

Published originally at EtherZone.com : republication allowed with this notice and hyperlink intact.”

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