Clintonism: The vulgarization of America (Part IV)

Published 16 years ago -  - 16y ago 49

Here is more of whatever you didn’t want to know about Bill Clinton, who has the distinction of being an unwanted pregnancy that grew up to become President.

At Oxford Clinton is remembered as “the Drop-Out Kid”. In Arkansas he is celebrated as the Drop-Out Draftee. In Washington he flubbed in his obligations of office as The Drop-Out President. In recognition of his innumerable derelictions the Armed Forces anointed him as America’s Slacker-in-Chief. No one could say he did not live up to his early failures.

In his youth, Bill Clinton drank deeply from The Fountain of Immaturity. Even now, he longs to return to the ‘sixties and relive those drug snorting, high school girl groping days listening to Timothy Leary expound on why automobile traffic would be more fun if the traffic lights were made psychedelic. Trying to relive the Woodstock experience is like trying to do something over again for the first time. That time warp called The Age of Aquarius is over everywhere except in movies, where endless sequels of Rocky and Jaws send the message that in Hollywood, there’s always room to go backwards.

Clintonism is an addiction that the Betty Ford Clinic cannot de-program, and no one is more heavily “hooked” than the media. There is no facet of the general weal on which Bill Clinton has not brought discredit. Yet, the lackey media has granted Clinton its Seal of Exemption and Certificate of Deniability. The Clintons are the beneficiaries of the media’s selective inattention. Hillary could get off Air Force One breast feeding an orangutan and no one would telephone Jane Goodall for comment.  When not stroking the Clintons, the whitewash press is juggling statistics arguing that low ratings and poor circulation figures corroborate the liberal point of view.  Even those journalistic crackerjack box prize icons, Woodward and Bernstein, arguably the most overrated exponents of an overrated profession, like bird dogs with sinus, did not pick up the scent of Bill Clinton’s peccancy. It is time to end the moratorium on holding them accountable.

The mainstream media and Bill Clinton are connected not by dots but by blots. They count on him to supply their recommended daily requirements of gossip, inference, exaggeration, political daubery, lies, and soft-core pornography. He depends on them for his political antidote – whitewash.

Under the influence of the Clinton moral dislocation, media became hobby craft, reportage became gossip, and the editorial mantra became – – when in doubt, sacrifice substance. Bill Clinton’s politics became a dipstick for measuring the evaporation rate of journalistic integrity. The New York Times is in particular a virtual leeching pit through which editors sift out reliable information. These days, there are as many journalists of integrity in the New York Times as there are teetotalers in the Shamrock Bar and Grill. But for the daily exertions of the press, the Clinton White House would have spent eight years beribboned in crime scene tape.


Bill Clinton put sin and corruption into focus. However inadvertently, the media keeps it there. Hence Bill Clinton is never off the national radarscope. He is the media’s perma-blip. Here is a sampling of Clinton’s “accomplishments” which the media by editorial whim chooses to ignore, endorse or celebrate.

Bill Clinton …

turned the island of Haiti into Alcatraz with palm trees.

delivered the first State of the Union Speech in which he ordered the Secret Service to eject a white male spectator from the gallery and give up his seat to Rosa Parks.

spread environmental contamination with his smile and handshake. (Like crocodiles, both Clintons are most dangerous when they smile.)

turned down the chance to apprehend Osama bin Laden, who is responsible for the deaths of thousands of Americans who would likely have chosen death over conversion to Islam.

ordered his Justice Department to kidnap a six year-old kid and deport him to Cuba, Fidel Castro’s Siberia-by-the-Seaside.

was the first President to receive an obscene phone call in the Oval Office, and the first President to put the caller on “Hold”.

picked Hillary and Al Gore as the two most important associations in his life. (He would have done better with a hatpin and the Yellow Pages.)

was the first President to consider appointing a Secret Secretary of Scatology.

inspired members of the clergy in their sermons to refer to the White House grounds as The Garden of Lust.

prompted the current intellectual swoon in our educational system.  (Harvard is considering establishing a Bill Clinton Chair in Legacy Doctoring. It has not yet been decided whether the emphasis will be on Treason or Trysts.)

motivated the first Oval Office intervention by recovering sex maniacs from Rapists Anonymous. He is credited with the casualization of rape.

endorsed NAFTA, the pact with Mexico which Pancho Villa would have omitted from his résumé.

encouraged affirmative action to include university level studies that instruct aborigines in the use of such high-tech instruments as mops.

institutionalized poverty knowing that’s where the big money is.

characterized perversion as hobbycraft and disguised reverse racism as equality. He urged minorities to put aside their racial animus – at least during foreplay.

made Arkansas a wishing well for the warped and the wanton. Owing to his gubernatorial influence, Arkansas remains a hot bed of inertia.

labeled torpor as Unemployment and made the gainfully employed underwrite it.

retained a phalanx of enterprising lawyers at taxpayer expense who could plea bargain a massacre to a misdemeanor. (Even without a coterie of shysters the seriousness ofClinton’s crimes seems mitigated by the nonchalance with which he commits them.)

disseminated nuclear secrets to America’s enemies in handy carry home six packs. For a campaign contribution, he helped make China into a super prison for political dissidents, and enabled Kim Jung IL to turn North Korea into a war toy museum. These acts rank with Jimmy (Does the Word Mega-Treason Ring a Bell?) Carter’s giving the Panama Canal to the Chinese Reds, George Bush’s attempt to turn over American ports to Arab interests, and his Open Border Policy enabling Bubba to be included in this triumvirate of America’s Death Wish Presidents.

These elements suggest that the “Clinton Legacy” is a post-hypnotic suggestion that America should commit suicide.

The media’s ongoing agenda of the exoneration of the Clintons continues. It is impossible to find the line of demarcation where the Clintons end and media distortion begins. (In the Lewinsky matter the media closed the gap between erection and redemption.) The New York Times cannot hit the truth even with a lucky bounce. Mainstream journalism exists primarily to archive Clinton’s prevarications and denials. It is reassuring only that the media cannot aim their aspirations any lower than that.

Conservatives call William Jefferson Clinton disparaging names because the media has insulated him from a public reckoning. The single ray of sunshine is, if you didn’t get around to saying “Bill Clinton is a no-good,son of a bitch” today, remember, that’s why God created tomorrow.

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