Somebody owes me: Rosie- the amazing two legged sow

Published 18 years ago -  - 18y ago 33

Move over ya brain-dead yuppie drooper! No, I WON’T put my cigarette out, an’ if that damn beeper on yer belt goes off, I’m gonna grab you by the ankles an’ make a wish! In fact, get the hell outta my face! Go find yerself a fern bar to sit in while ya swill Pink Ladies an’ yak on yer purse phone to yer gender-challenged friends. Go on now, before I open up a can of Whup Ass! Biggun, I’d like a long-neck Lone Star an’ a few minutes of yer time, please.

It’s come to my attention that there’s a whole pile of “victims” out there demandin’ apologies an’ extortion money for whatever happened to their kind way back in history. Blacks want money ‘cause their relatives was slaves. Queers are demandin’ payoffs an’ superior rights from straights. Indians want money for buildin’ new casinos. Seems like every wog under the sun is owed an apology an’ a check, an’ accordin’ to all of ‘em, some white guy is the one that owes ‘em. Now I don’t for a minute deny that down through the ages some folks have gotten a raw deal. However, at the risk of makin’ sense, I’d like to point out that slave an’ Indian problems in America occured long before anybody currently on planet earth was born. As to the queers, take it up with somebody who’s as proud of you as you claim to be. I don’t give a damn who you sleep with, just shut up about it will ya? I’m a cranky, pot-bellied, middle-aged, legally armed white man, an’ as such I’ve been insulted, forced to the back of the bus, subjected to religious persecution, slandered, an’ generally abused my whole life. From the very git-go, my parents told me they expected hard work an’ honesty out of me. That I be responsible for myself an’ my actions was the example they provided, an’ the standard they expected me to live up to. Obviously child abuse of the highest order! From that sordid beginning – to this very day, the abuse an’ atrocities have continued without let-up. I’d like to take this opportunity to jump on the Somebody Owes Me Bandwagon. Not only am I owed, but I’m owed by some folks who are alive an’ abusin’ me today! This will make it a whole lot easier for whichever bottom-feedin’ lawyer shows up to give me my apology an’ check.

This here is one of the most abusive socialists around an’ I’ve got only one question for her: Where’s my apology an’ my money?

ROSIE O’DONNELL – The Amazing Two-Legged Sow. Owner and operator of the biggest mouth and the smallest brain in television. Buyer of hired guns. Nationally televised promoter of treason against Americans and a truly disgusting example of scum rising to the top. “The only life that is important to them…(the NRA)…is white Republican life,” Rosie drools. SLANDER! I’m a white, conservative NRA member and I have a lot more respect for life than you and your “women have a right to murder unborn babies” pals, Rosie. I fought in Southeast Asia at the behest of the arch socialists Kennedy and Johnson and like most other veterans of combat my respect for human life goes far beyond the philosophical. I’ve seen first-hand what guns can do in the hands of the criminal, you ignorant fool, that’s why I respect them for the defensive tools they can be in the hands of the law-abiding. You’ve labeled me a racist gun nut who doesn’t care about other folks. That hurts my feelings. Obviously you’re guilty of attempting to deny me my right to be a middle-aged white man who can defend himself. My inner child weeps. Don’t you think you should apologize to me? Where’s my check?

“The NRA cowers behind the Second Amendment,” blathers The Queen of Cowflop. Listen up you sawed-off little porker! I’m part of the NRA and I’m not “cowering” behind anything! The Second Amendment to The Constitution is the law of the land and I’m standing right out front here to tell you so. While you hire bodyguards to protect your elitist, cellulite-riddled butt, I take responsibility for defending my own. While you suck up to the unindicted-co-conspirator wife of a sociopathic tyrant who has murdered, starved and denied aid to hundreds of thousands in the name of “peace,” I associate with responsible gun owners – 80 MILLION OF THEM, MIND YOU – who haven’t so much as raised their voice to anyone! Yet. While you call for the imprisonment of honest citizens who demand only the rights guaranteed them under The Constitution, I arm myself – in order to defend myself – from the murderous criminals the regime you promote refuses to prosecute. While you noisily buy trophy children, and the nannies and armed guards to raise them, my wife and I quietly raise and watch out for our own. Who’s the REAL coward here, Miss Queen of Crapspeak? Who’s the bigoted, power-driven, ignorant, nanny-state-supporting feeb? Once again you’ve hurt my feelings and I’m feeling quite suppressed. I’m one of the others you’re not working and playing well with, Rosie. I feel my self-esteem would be redeemed if only you’d cough up a couple of million bucks. You can take it out of the money you made shilling for K-Mart, one of the largest gun sellers in America, you over-rated-village-dwelling-loud-mouthed-thought-proof-mind-locked-chubby little hipocrite!

On second thought, I’ll make you a deal. You can keep your money and your apologies if you’ll promise to waddle out your front door, climb in to yer guarded limo, drive out to the Pecos River country and jump right up an armadillo’s butt!

Thanks for yer time Biggun. Since the armadillo butt ain’t been made that could hold Rosie, I’ll let you know when the check comes in an’ we can pick us up a couple of them new Armalite .50 cals. to mount on the back of my flatbed. Y’all take care now hear.


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