Oh, thats right, nobody is saying or
reporting that 42-year-old suspected sniper John Allen Muhammad and 17-year-old Malvo are
Back to the Beginning
Could it be that the former Beltway Snipers are the forever Beltway Lovers
about that in a moment.
J& J were apprehended while snoozing (cuddling?) at a rest stop off I-70 in their
dark blue 1990 Chevy Caprice. Almost immediately, it was reported that Muhammad, in
addition to being a veteran, was Malvos "stepfather". Which, in a vacuum,
the independent Observer Radio One reported that the two might have
"hooked-up" in Antigua, where Muhammad lived sometime in 1999. How does a
rumored tête-à-tête while sunbathing au natural become grounds for step parenting?
With this new revelation unfolding, the media immediately started to spin the story.
The newsrooms were awash in the hushed whispers of dirty secrets. It was perfectly fine
for the media to paint all white heterosexual males as potential serial killers, but what
to do about two black suspected bisexual serial snipers? A "network acceptable"
translation of these rumors came to be reported as, "Malvo often referring to
Muhammad as his play father."
Just what the heck is a play father?
Does Muhammad only exist in Malvos mind as a "make believe" father? Or
is Muhammad the type of Daddy that Malvo can play with (as in softballs and hardballs)? It
is, without doubt, true that whoever the real snipers are
they did enjoy shooting
their loads through a little hole in the back
of the trunk. This is becoming an
Since Man-Boy love is one of those PC gray areas, the mainstream media is now settling
into a description of Malvo as Muhammads "traveling companion". Curiously,
the media had a more precise definition for Gary Harts former traveling companion,
Donna Rice. But, then again, there is no equity in the PC world when it comes to Man-Boy
versus Man-Girl relationships.
If Muhammads partner had been a teenage girl, rest assured that the media would
not be reporting this "traveling companion" cover story. What the
Bonnie and Clyde are more fun than Leopold and Loeb!
Whats the Big Deal
Other than the sin of perverse curiosity, why would the nature of J & Js
personal relationship be relevant?
With two prime suspects about to be indicted for the murders of the decade, the nature
of their relationship will go straight to the heart of the defense.
The liberal spin-doctors are already flying through their illusory universe at the
speed of babble
"Maybe its the Armys fault
The N.R.A. is to
But Malvo is just a child." Eureka, thats the one that will stick.
Malvo was just a child whose brain was numbed by a forced diet of crackers and honey while
his emotions were devastated by his perverse psychosexual relationship with a controlling
and abusive Muhammad.
Even if bad ole Alabama (the only state involved that will grant the death penalty to a
minor) gets their prosecutorial mitts onto Malvo, this whole "companion" angle
could give him a walk. The prosecution will need gallons of Maloxx if the love connection
rumors are true.
Trick or Treat
Picture this scenario. Malvo is only 17 and Muhammad has been sexually abusing him
since he was 15. Malvo, as a result of Muhammads sexual abuse, was a love slave and
not responsible for a single crime. Not only does Malvo go free, but he gets counseling,
resident status, welfare and the remainder of his education all compliments of the U.S.
taxpayer. Not to mention the millions he earns from his book, made-for-TV movie and as a
talk show host. His only punishment was that he had to hug Rosie (who hired Johnny Cochran
to lead his defense team) while he cried an apologetic river of crocodile tears.
you know that this is a very real possibility. And
reverends Jackson and Sharpton, although presently silent, will surely be heard from soon
The liberals are in a dilemma. The murderers are not white, not Christian and maybe not
even heterosexual. The PC crowd is thanking Allah that the killers werent also
women. Well, at least one of them is both an American citizen and a male. Its thin,
but its a thread to build on. Muhammad is the perfect villain. He is the bad apple
that tempted Malvo from the Garden of Eden.
God, this would have be so much more fun for the liberals if the killers turned out to
be Catholic priests or at least taxpaying males with N.R.A. membership.
wheres a good Boogeyman when you need him!
Happy Halloween and remember
you heard it here first.
Daniel Sargis is a freelance writer from Connecticut and is a regular columnist
for Ether Zone
Daniel Sargis can be reached at email@example.com